Miscellaneous Splatoon Theories

Universal "Ink" and Immortal Bear Cancer.

Marine life outside of cephalopods have been inking since Splatoon 2. Salmonids apparently evolved to trail a heavy flow of pseudo-ink identical to inkling and octoling ink (just as seen in turf wars) so much that they amass into an opaque dark green color on a flat surface.

Real life fish (especially salmons) excrete an epidermal mucus, but how come we don't see other fish humanoids sliming up the squares as much as salmonids? The dehydrated green tint and mass per slime are rather a reflection of the common habitats of salmonids. Salmonid mucus masses according to the water they swim in, and go figure, the water in every Salmon Run stage is murky and so polluted with the junk and remains of the last human population before Splatoon.

It's not just marine life that inks, but mammals too. In Splatoon 3's storymode, it's revealed that the head of the Salmon Run operation, Mr. Grizz (Bear #03), inks and is described in meta "Ursine Anomaly." He also "inks" and submerges. Why? The word anomaly struck me in particular and reminded me of the real life anomaly, CTVT.

Canine transmissible veneral tumor (CTVT) is a cancer phenomenon that developed from the result of mass inbreeding within a region of dogs. The region of dogs were so inbred that the cancer couldn't tell the difference between its original host's immune system and other dog cells, learning to spread across bodies and rendering itself an immortal pathogen.

In canon, the "fuzzy ooze" works by infecting and consuming any living organism it comes into contact as seen in storymode. The ooze feeds on bodies upon contact but is otherwise immobile. It's possible that underneath every ooze heap is another host body, be it Octarians, inklings, or (just throwing it out there) Grizzco employees.

One dilemma with this theory is that in order for cancer to operate in the same conditions as CTVT, the first casualties would have to be identical to Grizz's genetic makeup until it can start circulating in other families. Alterna Log #007 says something about Salmonid golden eggs being used for Grizz's experiments, along with the liquid crystals in Alterna's walls, but I don't really know what for.

Thanks to the input of a fellow Splatoon player, we can also infer that the Mr. Grizz we know could not be the original Bear #03 under this theory. How could Mr. Grizz live for 5,000 more years? How does he breathe in the vacuum of space? Bears sure don't fucking ink either last time I checked.

5,000 years is plenty of time for countless generations of bear cancer to incubate untouched until by luck one generation successfully takes on the identity of "Mr. Grizz" and carries the Mammalian legacy, also taking into account how long it takes to run a flourishing company. That "ink" that Mr. Grizz sweats and breathes? It's also just a pure mucus. Apparently Mr. Grizz's cancer ooze is so egregiously mass-produced and advanced that it can consume small-scale islands, grows hair, and has a fuschia/purple pigmented mucus.

Is Craig Cuttlefish Really A Cuttlefish?

Cuttlings are real according to Haikara Walker. It doesn't seem like inklings and cuttlings have that much of a physical difference if you observe the picture of the idol duo provided, so there's no real way to decide whether Craig is actually a cuttling or inkling.

However, what Craig's last name is could say a little about the unsaid history of Splatoon's parallel to humanity. Because of the stark reference to scientific classification, I like to believe in early M.E (Mollusc Era) there were dynasties distinguished by their respective species similar to how European surnames were direct references to your occupation (Miller, Smith, the list goes on.) Just like Vietnamese dynasties, their kings would force their rivaling kingdoms into changing their last names as a form of raising the white flag. This means in modern M.E not only would the last name seem common amongst dozens, but you'd probably meet an octoling and inkling sharing the same last name despite not being the same race.

The other few characters that have last names are Marina Ida and Pearl Houzuki. I think "Craig Cuttlefish" as a name only seems weird because of the context of English. We know that "Ida" and "Houzuki" are both Japanese last names, but we also know "Cuttlefish" is used in context of English to identify its animal class. For all we know, Cuttlefish is about as normal of a name as Ida and Houzuki in Inklish.

For other Splatoon posts: Cephaling Biology